This new study " analyzed forensic interviews conducted by Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC) with 100 youths between the ages of three and 17 who may have been sexually assaulted," and found that these women experienced objectification, sexual harassment, and abuse on a daily basis. And, many of them see it as "normal." I have ton of angry feelings about living in a world where this is such a massive problem, but rather than rant, I want to think about what we can do to change this situation, the one where rapes go unreported and abuse becomes a part of people's lives.
No matter who you are, you have bodily integrity. What does this mean? This means your body is your own dominion. You are, by right of being born in your body, the king, queen and/or motherfucking court jester of your one and only body. Because you live in a society with others, often times your behaviors have to be modified for the greater well-being of all, but, in large part, your bodily choices don't affect anyone else. The clothes, makeup and hairstyles you done are your choices. People will judge you for those choices, but the fact remains they are your choices to make. (As far as the game of what things are deemed socially acceptable appearance-wise, I'm leaving that to another day.)
Let's say one day I get a priceless gift. Something thoughtful, considerate and beautiful. Then, someone comes by and, without saying anything, grabs that gift from me and breaks off a piece of it. They hand it back to me and say, "That's what those are for." Generally, that person is a grade A asshole. This is also an overly simplistic description of what people are doing to your bodily integrity when they harass or abuse you. Without your consent, they harm something of great worth that belongs to you. You are the arbiter of who does and does not get to touch you. You are also the arbiter of your conversations. If someone approaches you with and interest you do not share, it is your call to tell that person you aren't interested, politely. If they don't back down, that person is being the jerk--not you.
What I am trying to say is what is common is not acceptable. Despite everything I said, the world out there is not going to acknowledge the integrity of each individual's body and the choices they make with their body. Why? Because it's normal to see people as objects. It is normal for relatives to make disapproving remarks about children who don't like their hugs or "complain" about being tickled. It's normal for people to judge the sex lives of strangers by the clothes they wear or the amount of make up on their faces. If no one ever tells you, if you just have to learn from experience in the world, the message is clear--your body is an object in the world for objectification, harassment and abuse of others.
Let's start telling our children, let's start telling our partners and friends: I respect you, even when the world at large seems to have lost any sense of the verb, and I will help you. Help one another when we struggle with lack of self-esteem and our ability to believe we deserve respect. Help when we see someone's integrity being breached in anyway. Help people find healing and justice when they have suffered from this "normal" world. "Normal" doesn't change until the conversation does. Help build a new normal of bodily integrity.
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