Friday, April 18, 2014

AGH! I missed a day...also, today's kinda lame....

Okay, I was almost asleep last night before I realized I never wrote a blog...and I don't really feel like writing one today. I'm going to give myself a pass with the traveling and stressing and the general sound of "ahhhhhhhhHHHHHH!!!!!'''' in my head. Tomorrow, I will be in a hotel room with nothing better to do, so I promise something legit.

Here's to being human. And lazy.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

My First Voting Box Experience

I've voted since I was eighteen, but I've always done it via absentee ballots. Tennessee only allows absentee voting under a few circumstances, so this year I early voted in person. Aside from being told to smile by a stranger (one of my pet peeves), it was a great experience. Loads of super friendly senior citizens helped me through the process, my phone almost didn't work (which is where I had written down all the candidates I wanted to vote for) and in the end, I got my little shot at democracy.

Even though money continues to roll-over genuine democracy across this county, I am not deterred from voting. I am not deterred from volunteering for the candidates I believe in. Seeing all the people who showed up for just the first day of early voting for a municipal election, it isn't enough, but it is enough to not give up, yet.

So, thank you to all the people who help make democracy possible--poll workers, people willing to run for office ethically and every person who takes the time to make an educated vote. I am going to keep questioning what I can do to be a better citizen, and I hope part of that is going to be encouraging and enabling others to do the same. Here's to democracy--grab on tight and fight like hell against anything that gets in the way.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

"Normal" and Bodily Integrity

This new study " analyzed forensic interviews conducted by Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC) with 100 youths between the ages of three and 17 who may have been sexually assaulted," and found that these women experienced objectification, sexual harassment, and abuse on a daily basis. And, many of them see it as "normal." I have ton of angry feelings about living in a world where this is such a massive problem, but rather than rant, I want to think about what we can do to change this situation, the one where rapes go unreported and abuse becomes a part of people's lives.

No matter who you are, you have bodily integrity. What does this mean? This means your body is your own dominion. You are, by right of being born in your body, the king, queen and/or motherfucking court jester of your one and only body. Because you live in a society with others, often times your behaviors have to be modified for the greater well-being of all, but, in large part, your bodily choices don't affect anyone else. The clothes, makeup and hairstyles you done are your choices. People will judge you for those choices, but the fact remains they are your choices to make. (As far as the game of what things are deemed socially acceptable appearance-wise, I'm leaving that to another day.)

Let's say one day I get a priceless gift. Something thoughtful, considerate and beautiful. Then, someone comes by and, without saying anything, grabs that gift from me and breaks off a piece of it. They hand it back to me and say, "That's what those are for." Generally, that person is a grade A asshole. This is also an overly simplistic description of what people are doing to your bodily integrity when they harass or abuse you. Without your consent, they harm something of great worth that belongs to you. You are the arbiter of who does and does not get to touch you. You are also the arbiter of your conversations. If someone approaches you with and interest you do not share, it is your call to tell that person you aren't interested, politely. If they don't back down, that person is being the jerk--not you.

What I am trying to say is what is common is not acceptable. Despite everything I said, the world out there is not going to acknowledge the integrity of each individual's body and the choices they make with their body. Why? Because it's normal to see people as objects. It is normal for relatives to make disapproving remarks about children who don't like their hugs or "complain" about being tickled. It's normal for people to judge the sex lives of strangers by the clothes they wear or the amount of make up on their faces. If no one ever tells you, if you just have to learn from experience in the world, the message is clear--your body is an object in the world for objectification, harassment and abuse of others. 

Let's start telling our children, let's start telling our partners and friends: I respect you, even when the world at large seems to have lost any sense of the verb, and I will help you. Help one another when we struggle with lack of self-esteem and our ability to believe we deserve respect. Help when we see someone's integrity being breached in anyway. Help people find healing and justice when they have suffered from this "normal" world. "Normal" doesn't change until the conversation does. Help build a new normal of bodily integrity.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Home Away from Home

In a span of less than four months I will have driven over 3,000 miles. I am developing a certain kind of exhaustion from my peripatetic behavior, but with experience comes skill. I am becoming a well-honed road-tripping person. At the same time, there are always a few new weird firsts.

For example, I am a master of the road trip music mixing. I have my own comfort blend between different musical genres for all points in the journey with a good mixing of public radio thrown in to balance the sound waves out. At the same times, this upcoming journey will be my first where I stay in a hotel room by myself (in America).

I have stayed a number of place on my own before, but always as just a launch pad for exploring the area. Who cares about sleeping in a cold, damp hostel room when you spent the day roaming Venice and eating gelato? (Okay, I cared a little bit. I don't think I was properly dry till I was home for a week afterwards.) It is different, however, just to spend the night somewhere because you know your body is physically incapable of continuing to drive.

I am trying to view this trip as an opportunity to explore my overnight location, but I'll honestly probably want to go lounge in a hot tub curl up under lots o' blankets and sleep a solid nine hours. Sometimes having a home away from home isn't so much of an adventure and more of a necessity. Anyways, I'll see how it goes.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Should rape be considered a special class of violence?

Trigger warning: discussion of rape and sexual violence

Caitlin Moran, a columnist for The Times Magazine in the UK, wrote an article back in January advocating that we need to start seeing rape as just another form of violence. I only found this piece yesterday after finding a link she posted to the whole article without having to pay to read it. I wanted to talk about her article and the question of whether or not violence that involves sexual acts deserves a special kind of consideration. I want to start of by saying that I think Moran is shining a light on an important problem surround dealing with sexual violence, and I think her article is a piece worth reading, but I still have a lot of reservations and concerns.

Moran's argument stems from the complicated relationships human beings have with sex and its related subjects. She argues that because of our confused, conflicted and complicated relationship with sex as a species, we should stop using the words rape and sexual crime. As she states, "A word so hard for an injured woman,--or a man, or a child--to say, now that we've used it in too many places, for too many disparate things, for it be functionally descriptive of a crime." She offers alternative names for these crimes, such as internal assault, intramural attack or even just assault.

It think Moran is absolutely right that sexuality can often blur subjects that are actually quite straightforward. If it didn't, there wouldn't be so many conservatives in America claiming they want less government regulation while working to place laws on the books allowing businesses to discriminate against homosexuals. The issue, I think, is that Moran's argument jumps from "sex confuses us as humans" to "therefore, we should leave it out of our considerations of crimes." But, she never examines whether or not sexuality deserves any separate consideration in criminal proceedings.

Rape and other kinds of sexual crimes are clearly seen as acts of violence in cases like the one Moran examines (more on that below), but what about cases of spousal or partner rape? What about cases of manipulation that never reach the point of penetration? Is there a good reason why people seem, in general, more offended by a person raping a child than beating them?

Sex is complicated, but I think for a range of reasons that cannot be easily dismissed. Some of them are just poor cultural constructs, taboos. However, sex is also one of the bigger acts of physical trust we will make with another person. I would also argue that it is, for many, one of the biggest acts of intimacy, of emotional risk-taking. Sex is not just culturally and politically charged because of patriarchy (though I do not wish to dismiss that factor, either). Sexual acts and behaviors have value to people as people. They become parts of our identities: we go so far as to gather under flags with the people like us and who support us in our sexual orientations, identities and behaviors. Sex is not the only important factor in how we see ourselves and our value in the world, but it sure as hell is one of them.

Moran sets her article in light of a comment of the defense lawyer representing three of the men charged with the gang rape and murder of woman on a bus in Delhi, India. The lawyer, Manohar Lal Sharma, said, "Until today, I have not seen a single incident or example of rape with a respected lady," and insisted the woman was "whole responsible" for her death. I think Moran correctly points out that, when dealing with sexual crimes, we often see the victims as attacked below before we recognize them as attached above: "It's become another argument about men and women and desire and politics and culture. Rather than what it is--what all rapes are: one human ripping another human being to pieces."

I think this is where Moran makes her strongest point, which is that we should never use the sexual aspect of a crime to down play the fact that it is a crime. No matter how the harm is done, no matter the gender, number, intoxication, age, relationship, etc. between the persons involved, it remains harm. Our first concern should be for justice for the victims as whole persons, not as sexual objects. It is never just a crime from below.

I am glad people like Moran are writing about this subject and making it a part of our cultural conversation. We certainly do need to rethink how we discuss and approach crimes involving sexuality, but I do not think we can simply subtract the sexual aspect from these cases. Sex is too much a part of being human, and ultimately justice is for the protection of humanity in its variety. I will stand with Moran in saying that I hope we can all stop using victim-blaming or a persons sexuality or sexual behavior (real or simply perceived) to make judgement about those coming forward with criminal complaints. It is a favor we can extend to all victims, to all criminals, to see them as whole, dynamic and immensely complex human beings for whom we we will work for justice.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

What's on the reading pile?

I had nice stroll up to my public library today. The ability to read books from across the world for free (almost always) is pretty fucking amazing. Additionally, I have had the great fortune of so many great librarians helping me research my own personal interests, for school and for work. I grew up in near a town without a public library beyond the school, so college was the first revelation to me of what an amazing public service these places are for our communities.

Anyways, rather than raving to the internet void about my love of libraries, I thought I would share what is on my reading pile, today, courtesy of my local library.

1) "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal," by Christopher Moore

This irreverent novel gives a glimpse into the earlier years of life of Jesus through his often sinning best friend, Biff. I'm about two-thirds of my way through this one. I think it's probably funniest to those who had a Christian upbringing and have the context for more of the jokes. I'm reserving judgement until I finish.

2) "Crazy Horse and Custer," by Stephen E. Ambrose

Boy, I have been working on this one for awhile. Despite not being a history lover, I have been enjoying this book, but it also comes with the price of many annoyances if you are much informed about Native American history or culture. I only get through a chapter every couple days, but I think I'm going to stick it out.

3) "East of Eden," by John Steinbeck

Okay, should have called this list "List of books I'm taking forever to read." I started reading "East of Eden" over a year ago, but then I was traveling a lot and I am just now getting back to picking it up. I hated the first Steinbeck novel I read, "The Pearl," but only because the story was sad and I was 16. Now, a couple more novels in, I am in love with the storytelling.

4) "The Meat Racket," by Christopher Leonard

I just picked this one up today. I've been looking forward to reading Leonard's expose on the meat industrial complex in the United States. I'm not looking forward to how dead depressing it is likely going to be, but to have the in depth analysis this book is suppose to provide will be very helpful, I think, for determining my own approach to the problem.

There are, of course, many more books in the pile, but these are the ones I am most actively pursuing currently. What are you reading? Any good suggestions?

Friday, April 11, 2014

The Idols of Categorical Thinking

Today, I read Cindy Hoang's blog titled, "What It's Like to Be a Girl Who Codes." One thing she said stuck out: as a clear demonstration of how gender inequality impacts everyone negatively: "During that entire week, I struggled to see the guys as equals. To me, they always seemed to know so much more, use bigger words, and essentially, be better programmers. " 

There is nothing beneficial about making gods of a group of people or an individual. Role models, people who inspire us, people who encourage us to be better versions of ourselves--a good things. But, when we use categories to make people into pure saints (or sinners), we are denying the most basic aspects of humanity--most especially its complexity. Even the best among us have made, make and will make more mistakes. Sometimes the best role model is the person who teaches us how to admit to making bad choices and to move forward, making better ones for the future.

When a woman enters a so-called "male domain" with the connected belief that it is a male domain because men are best at that thing, it can decrease her willingness to question the behavior of these "superiors." Alternatively, when a person enters a domain with a belief that they are systemically inferior to the majority in that system, the opportunities for manipulation and abuse grow. 

The fact is, whether or not someone is better at a given skill or activity than you are, they do not get any extra moral value. You can be a fantastic mathematician and be a total asshole. You can be a fantastic mathematician and still make mistakes.

No category should ever keep us down and out. You should value your skills because they are yours and you can develop and explore them with others. You should see others as worthy of notice in a field not because they are better than you, but because of their efforts in relation to themselves. Often times we have the great fortune of learning from people who have much more knowledge on a given subject, and, when we are lucky, these people help us realize the value of that knowledge for ourselves without idealizing them or degrading ourselves.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Municipal Political Research Quagmire

Despite my job being in political research, I think I find figuring out who and what I support on the ballot just as tough as the next guy. That gets even worse when it comes to my upcoming municipal primary. Sure, a large part of the ballot is running unopposed, but I'm not going to tick a box just because someone's the only person running from my party.

Even in the more contested races, it can be next to impossible to find credible information that can help you decide. In the end, most voters have to vote uninformed in these elections no matter how hard they try. Having to rely political advertisements or auto-biography pieces on campaign websites is no way to make an informed citizen choice.

Until public money starts to pull its weight, voter information will continue to suffer, and not just in these local elections. We need better public education about our political systems and how to making voting choices. We need publicly funded, apolitical voter pamphlets to make information accessible and unbiased. If we cannot get more informed voters into the ballot boxes, how can we hope to lessen the sway of private money on our government?

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Comfort Cake

When I want to cook something that is totally relaxing and makes me feel snuggled up and cozy, I usually end up making on of my grandmother's recipes. Today, that was raw apple cake.

I've heard over and over that smell is one of the strongest senses for connecting to memory. I don't know if there is science behind that or not, but when it comes to comfort food, it seems true. I love how even after the details have long faded from specific instances of eating my grandmother's cooking, smelling it brings back the same warm, loving feeling that she created every time she cooked.

Food is one of the most literal ways we demonstrate our desire to nurture one another and ourselves. I think that is why I connect so strongly to my grandmothers recipes. They bring me back to that most primitive parts of myself that she fostered in me, that most basic security she provided. I wish that I could give that feeling to each person who eats my cooking just by using her recipes, but the fact is those feelings developed for me because of her constancy and consistency in her care and providing for me.

There's nothing really magical about raw apple cake--well, there is for me, but in general, it's just damn tasty cake. The magic in cooking is the time and effort we give to one another, to give pleasure to our senses and nurturance to our bodies. Even though I can't make this cake magical for you in an instant, I hope sharing it with the people I love can be part of creating that feeling for our whole lives.

Without further ado--Raw Apple Cake!

4 cups chopped apples
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups of flour

Chop the apples as finely as you like, but at least into 1/2 cubes. The smaller you cut them, the more juice there will be and the more tender, light the cake becomes. Mix the chopped apples and sugar. You can/should cut down on the sugar depending on the sweetness of your apples. For example, today I used only a cup because my apples were moderately sweet. If you use red delicious, I would not go over 1 cup; if you use granny smith, you can sneak up closer to 2 cups. Let the apple and sugar set together to macerate the apples. I try to wait at least 30 mins.

Stir oil, beaten eggs and vanilla into the apple mixture. Combine dry ingredients in another bowl, then stir into wet. Pour it into cake pan (9"x13" ish), and bake for 30-40 mins at 375 degrees ferinheight.  Cool slightly, enjoy while still warm.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Neti Pots: I'm a believer!

I've been told by many a sinus sufferer that neti pots are like a magical soak bath for your mucus sacks (okay, maybe they didn't use those words). I think the only thing that held me back till now was fear of drowning myself/just being to stupid to do it.

If you have any such fears at all and have sinus problems--get over the fears! It is not a cure-all, but it has been a really big help for me so far. I'm just using it every other day, but it is making me feel much better than just taking an antihistamine everyday does. If you are new to this nose party, neti pots are a way to perform nasal irrigation, which is essentially a little rinse for your snot factory. This helps clear out mucus, but also thins it so to help the cilia move the mucus out of your head (instead of getting stuffed up).

My only grip is that the one I found is plastic and claims to need to be replaced every three months. Even though I doubt that timeline, it is incredibly flimsy and I don't think it will have a long life. So, now I'm on the hunt for a more durable option.

Now, you know more than you every wanted to about what I shove up my nostrils! But, seriously, check the neti pots out.


Monday, April 7, 2014

Wandering Thoughts

Today, one of my friends texted me asking if I was moving to the city I currently live in--and, I wasn't quite sure how to answer. I mean, I live here now. I'm going away to where I grew up for about a month, but then I'll be coming back. But, I'm also looking at possibilities of moving elsewhere--grad school, ESL teaching abroad, prospective jobs.

Being a bit rootless can be fun. I have the luck of living in the age of world wide connectivity through the internet, so I can stay in touch with the people I love wherever I go. It means I don't have much to drop to grasp for new opportunities, but it can also be sad to think about why its so easy to pick up and leave.

What does it mean to connect or disconnect in the age of internet? In someways, you never have to be alone, but the technology can consume more and more of our days till we don't remember the last time we had a face to face conversation--ones where we catch the glints in one another's ideas when we find our passions.

Today's a bit of a ramble, but it's what is rolling through my mind today. Tomorrow, I'll aim for a more coherent topic.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Gift of Time

Today, I watched 14 episodes of NBC's "Parks and Rec" with my family. This information will probably give you some insight into why my mind feels like a pile of unproductive mush right now, as well as why I had a little difficulty coming up with something to write about today. However, in the parts of my day not spent binge watching television, I also spent sometime considering volunteer opportunities that I want to join. These two things make me wonder about the true value of "my time."

As a part-time, low income earner who is passionate about justice in the world, I sometimes feel at a loss for what I can do to make an impact on the issues that I think are most critical at this time. Sometimes, it is not so difficult. Sometimes, it is just making the choice to stop using plastic bags and other efforts to reduce my personal waste. Other times, I am walking though a shoe store with my cousin and feeling just overwhelmed by the crushing meaninglessness of our consumption society and think how little an impact I make with my personal choices.

Volunteering is a way for me to organize with others so that we can amplify the impact of our personal choices. Shared caring creates a space for more people to join in. It can do something as simple as increasing viability for an issues or something as complex as organizing solutions to problems. No matter the degree of change a volunteer group seeks to make in the world, that change is possible because people come together to share their gifts, especially their time.

I cannot spend 24 hours a day, every day working on the projects that I believe will make our world a better place to live--partly because I need a paycheck (which I am fortunate to get from a source that I think is part of making a better world),  but also because SLEEP! Coordinating allows for services to be provided more broadly than individual kind hearts can manage. I do not have the resources or time to try to provide food for the hungry on a daily basis, but I can partner with other people to make that possible.

I know I am not telling the world anything it does not already know about volunteering. But, in the age of all day TV binges, I think it is important to remind ourselves that it does not take sacrifices of our entire lives--or even the almost entire day I wasted on TV--to make a difference. Joining with others, recognizing our role in and overcoming social problems takes just a little bit of time and it enriches all the other hours of our lives.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

The Purpose of a Character Education

Yesterday, I read Martin Luther King Jr.'s essay, "The Purpose of Education," for the first time. It has all the elements that one expects from King's clear, articulate and passionate thought. What struck me while reading it, however, is how little we have done to make head way on the idea of education as being more than simply fostering intelligence.

This quote, in particular, sticks with me:
"We must remember that intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character--that is the goal of true education. The complete education gives one not only power of concentration, but worthy objectives upon which to concentrate. The broad education will, therefore, transmit to one not only the accumulated knowledge of the race but also the accumulated experience of social living."
 I know that the majority of educators who taught me had a goal of fostering character as well as intelligence. I do not think that the importance of character is a strange mystery to be unlocked. However, our actions have not demonstrated that we understand how serious it is for human kind. Sure, my school had a "Character Counts" program, but that was a few hours a month, with no other concerted, systemic effort being made outside of that time.

It is not enough to take character on as a secondary quality. As King states, we cannot discern legitimate goals without an education that helps us develop the necessary skills for it. I am grateful for all the people in my life who cared that I be not only "smart" or informed but also compassionate and possessing integrity. Those attributes, my character, is what helps me decide the just ways to obtain and utilize information for myself and the world. Intelligence is simple brute force until with have the ability to discern the goals to which it can and should be turned.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Creative Recreating


One of the greatest powers the internet has given us is the freedom to write, rewrite, play, replay--over and over. It's an endless creative space that allows for ceaseless commentary.  I'm a big fan of finding inventive musical covers on the internet. Sometimes these covers are just about rediscovering favorites in new ways, other times they make palatable to me music that I find completely unappealing.

I think the interest in all kinds of homages, from fanfiction to musical covers, demonstrates something beautiful about the creative instinct in human beings. To me, it is a demonstration that what drives creativity is not the opportunity to do something that has never been done before--but to do something in a way that suits you. Perhaps creativity can be thought of as finding the blend of our interests with our abilities. It is fun to write your own stories or songs, to perform or create a unique work--but, who doesn't just want to belt out the Beatles sometimes (or whatever music you love)?

At the same time, I think it is an interesting division to try and define between copying and covering a creative work. It seems a cyclical news story to talk about how the current pop stars are ripping off one or another musician.

This song, for example, samples from Elvis Costello's song, "Pump it Up." The only reason I discovered the original is because in the YouTube comments, some people were debating the creativity, or lack thereof, in looping the catchy guitar rift from it. The internet has also become a place for not letting such "borrowing" go unnoticed. So, in someways, the copy/cover divide becomes a matter of public opinion--a crowd arbitrating whether or not to ostracize you for plagiarism or to embrace you as a creative off-shoot.

What do you think? What is just outright copying and what is creative recasting in the age of internet media?

Thursday, April 3, 2014

After the storms...

I recently finished reading "Salvage the Bones" by Jesmyn Ward. This book was a fascinating and saddening read. Now that I am finished, I'm not sure if I would say I liked reading it, but I will say that I think it is a good book. Some stories are like that for me; I do not like reading them, but I am glad to have read them.

Ward's book follows the main character, Esche, through the twelve days lead up, into and after hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana in 2005. Despite its quite recent setting and events, I was amazed at how many times as I was reading about Esche's days I felt like she lived in the 1950s. Growing up without a mother or any sense of what sexuality is or can be, Esche's life is consumed by the men she is surrounded by: her alcoholic father, her three brothers and a slew of her brother's friends. She reads Greek mythology and idealizes Medea as she struggles with sex, power and looming motherhood as a child. She watches her brother, Skeeter, as he cares for his fighting dog and her litter of young pups and ponders the issues surrounding nurturing and especially what happens when we do not get it.

This story was unsettling to me because it left me feeling worried for all the people that humanity continues to leave behind. We cast them as backwards, ignorant, rednecks. It is fine to seek an end to ignorance, as much as it is possible, but we have to start seeing it as a symptom of an imperfect system. This divide where we see our "educated" selves as above, or at the least pitying, those uniformed beneath us has to end. Humanity has an amazing capacity for knowledge, but those who have lacked opportunity to grow in curiosity are still human.

I think Ward does a beautiful job of showing the logic that a young girl is forced to make out of a senseless world. Esche stretches her curiosity, but without the facts and the nurturing she needs within reach, she comes to conclusions and makes decisions that set her on a course to single, young motherhood. Curiosity is not enough--the storm makes landfall and reveals Esche's pregnancy. The reality is that her mother is dead, Medea is a myth and Esche lives at the whim of storms that cannot be calmed by her longing for knowledge.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Diversity in Media

Today, I wanted to share this video from PBS Idea Channel on Youtube:

I was recently talking about similar ideas (more about TV and movies) with my family at the dinner table. We have a friend who is very passionate about the misrepresentation of non-white non-male characters, and one of my family members was feeling a bit weary of our friends zeal for the subject.

So, one the one hand, I feel that it is completely valid to sometimes be annoyed with our loved ones and their passion projects, especially when they are ones we don't feel strongly connected to--but, part of our inability to be passionately connected to this is part of the problem. Being a privileged person means that we have only a small sense of being removed from our media representations of culture, so it can be easy for us to paint those who point these injustices out to us as hysterics. We make them into that indiviudal's problems, not things worth working on together, and that is a loss for us as a human community. 

As much as I want every person to feel free to be an individual who needs no label to know themselves, I also realize that human development relies on modeling. That means that we must ensure diverse models for children to observe if we want to reach for a society where groupings do not matter. I want to live in a world where people can be valued as individuals regardless of their group affiliations. However, that is not the world we live in today. The only way we can get there is by continuing these conversations, by not be blinded by privilege to the point of hiding others oppression. 

It is not comfortable to confront the fact that society is designed to make some of us comfortable and simultaneously ignoring or misrepresenting the majority. But, I want the value of individual acknowledgement to be extended to every person. And in the end, this will make life better for everyone (including cisgendered, heterosexual, white males) because then we will have the opportunities to flourish and reach for our highest forms of being. Our successes would be our own--not belonging to our "tribe"--and, therefore, open to be shared with all.

Anyways, this is a subject that I want to spend more time reading and thinking about because I know I rest on the tip of the iceberg. I look forward to discovering more voices, removing my own blinders to see the world as it actual is and not just in ways that are easy on me.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Things that keep me from writing

I think a good place to start on a short term goal (AKA, me writing a blog everyday for a month) is to think about why you are not already doing the thing that is your goal. So, today I want to write about the top three reasons I usually do not write on this blog.

1) Nothing dies on the internet. Living in the age of internet socializing and job searches, its not totally irrational to fear something flippant you say on the internet coming back to bite you in the ass. However, one of the great things about never being able to totally delete the past is that we have an opportunity to live more honestly. If I do say something stupid on this blog, I hope it will be relatively minor. But, I also welcome the opportunity to make mistakes, have them pointed out to me (hopefully in a kind way) and to improve from the experience.

2) English and I--not best friends. This goes somewhat with number one, but is a specific mistake that I know I make (and will continue to make) over and over again. I am no where near an expert at using English spelling and grammar. It is irksome to later read something I wrote and see a huge spelling error. (Case in point, discovering a spelling error in my work e-mail signature. Agh!) The fact is, my brain is not attentive to these kind of details and I don't prioritize them enough. However, writing more gives me an opportunity to work on making these mistakes fewer and, hopefully, less egregious.

3) What can I say that has not already been said? This was a problem for me as a student and it continues now. This belief that I have nothing important to add to the conversation is a real hindrance to developing clear thinking and writing. It encourages me to hide my ideas away from the harsh light of shared conversation, preventing me from improving and refining my thinking. This one is a difficult one to over come, for me, as it is really a matter of self-confidence. For now, I would say, Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self-Reliance" is my best defense against this fear. I will have to reread it this month.

Because of these three aspects, I have several draft blogs laying in wait and many more for which I never even started a draft. I hope that I will get some of these fleshed out and shared with you over the next month. But, sharing is always a risk. The risks of rejection, failure and mistakes can crush any endeavor before it starts. I think, however, it is better for ideas to live out in the world, not hidden away in our minds. If we are in error, we live with a mistaken reality with no hope of remedy. If we have good idea, we might be missing opportunities to clarify and refine our thinking.  I look forward to remedying some of my mistaken perceptions and fine-tuning some of my more accurate ones over the next month.