Knowing you on Facebook

I have been off of facebook for a while now. I don't honestly remember when I deleted (or deactivated, or whatever-the-heck it is called...) my account. I definitely went through a withdrawal period, and from time to time I have found myself discovering things I miss about having it. On the whole, I am happy with my life without facebook, but I still spend a lot of time thinking about how facebook effects my socializing still, today.

Facebook has been a popular subject of discussion for talking about privacy, social development, self-perception, and so on. Recently, I heard it remarked upon that facebook is sort of like a biography. Largely autobiography, but with the additional information provided by secondary authors in the form of friends who post to your wall with pictures and words. It is interesting to think of facebook as a large part of social interaction, not just maintaining but also the development of new relationships, in a context that face-to-face interaction could never provide.

For example, say I meet someone while wandering through my local used book shop. We exchange a few words, find we like the same author, and this person tells me that they are in a book club that I really ought to check out. "Find me on facebook!" they say, and so I go home and find this new acquaintance on facebook. We become facebook friends, and from there they send me a message with the data for the next book club meeting.

But, I am being given access to more than just that. With only a few moments of in-person interaction, I suddenly have access to all kinds of information about this person (the amount, of course, depending on how much they choose to share on facebook). I can potentially know who their family members are, what their religious background is, if they've been married before, their sexuality, who their friends are, what kinds of music they like, and on and on and on...

Maybe it is the idea that knowledge is power that can make it appealing to have access to this much data about another person's life with just a few clicks. There are certainly great possibilities to having that knowledge, but it is also knowledge largely without context.

I think humans have a strong preference for teleological views of most of our lives. We seek endpoints to aim at, to work towards, to worship. I am not say that it is not worth setting goals to work towards, quite the opposite in fact. The problem is failing to realize that that life is entirely process without endpoint. It is a building, tearing down, re-creating process that never stops.

Just as being a good person is an ongoing verb, not a possession that one gets after doing good deeds, relationships with other humans are processes. They are amazing intertwining of multiple individual becomings, as well as group becomings in their own right. I do not love getting to know my friends because I see our relationship as me discovering them through data that I slowly uncover and know about them. Rather, I cherish the friendships where I share in becoming with another person. We share music and food, ideas and emotions. They become the people who help form your decisions, who challenge you to be better. It is a blessing to find people you can  share your becoming with and an even greater gift to have others share their becoming with you.

It is a process. No amount of raw data about another person is equivalent to spending three or four years sharing time with that person, over food, hobbies, and silent moments. I am glad  for the many ways technology allows me to keep growing together with my friends across the country and the world, but at the end of the day I must remember is but a tool. The process is something we people must do with one another.